Happy new year everyone!

The years that have passed

For my 2019 recap I will use three screenshots from the 1999 movie, American Beauty.

2019 how it started.  A cloudy winter day. A long shot of a suburban street with barren trees. Music plays *They call me the seeker. I've been searching low and high. I won't get to get what I'm after till the day I die.* We follow Lester, jogging on a brownish river with a steady pace. Voice over "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

2019 how it really was. A medium shot of a dark room. Lester is sitting by a white round table he holds a frame. We "see" the photo from his eyes,they glow from happiness. The only light above the table, bounces on the glossy surface of the table and illuminates his face.Then we notice! Up in the left corner, the barrel of a handgun. Approaching the back of his head.

2019 how I'm hoping it will end. A naked wall dripping blood, stained with pieces of brain. "Just shoot me"

I am still alive, unfortunately. The last hours of 2019 and the first of 2020 I was working on a short story. Needles(s). By the end of the first week I asked for an opinion, before posting it. The two pages long story, which took me a week to write, is unreadable. It is confusing and full of errors. "She felt the air scarce" I wrote. There is no such expression in English the one I asked said "she felt the air thin" is a valid expression. But I am inpatient. I actually said to that new friend who is helping me. I felt like I was playing the "snakes and ladders" game and you just said "hey you are sitting on a snake head, go back ten squares". I thought I was getting better but not so much as I thought.  So I'm still working on that small piece. And still need a lot of work.

What comes next?

"Needles(s)" for me a promise, for a different future, for this blog at least. From now on more stories and less about my flaws. I do have plenty of them all right, but you don't have to hear about it any more. I might get back to the mental health issue though if I feel that I can help.

2020 is not looking so promising right now. I didn't get shot at by the end of 2019 but there is a chance I will get fired from my job soon. And will hurt more than a bullet in the head. But I I'm trying to be hopeful🎈

For the new year I would like to dedicate you a song and a quote  from American Beauty. With the hope that all of us, will see in time, that a defeat, the apocalypse or even death are not necessary the bad guys. Don't be scare, don't give up but do find a way to take a break and enjoy life!!!

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about I'm sure, but don't worry, you will someday"